We're having a baby....WHAT!?!

So, right after Christian spun me around the room, both of us elated at the sight of the word “pregnant” on the little stick, I had this sinking realization that you can’t take this decision back. Ever. For the next 80 years I will be a mommy. WHAT?!? Yes, it is amazing and wonderful and thrilling beyond belief. But it is down right terrifying too. Christian and I, starting on July 11^th, will be the sole ones responsible for screwing this child up. For a perfectionist, the idea of messing up a HUMAN BEING is just about the worst thing ever. Way worse than getting a B on a grad school paper or gaining 10 pounds (which, by they way, I get to do….like 4 times over throughout the next few months). How in the world can we prepare for this? After trying to read 5 different books on pregnancy simultaneously, then giving up (because there was no flippin’ way I could process all the contradicting information), I decided to just let it go. There is no way I am going to be a perfect mom. My child will not be perfect, but then again, neither are his parents. And isn’t that what makes this life so interesting? The fact that we all have sob stories and baggage and funny childhood memories about family fights? I love the fact that God has kept me humble through my imperfection, and that I know what it means to suffer because of my mistakes. In the end, if I make a million mistakes (which I will), and my little one ends up loving Jesus in spite of that, or maybe because of that, then nothing else really matters. We’re imperfect. Jesus is perfect. What more is there?

Goodbye Grandpa

Four and a half years ago my Grandpa Pick danced with me at my wedding. Tonight he is dancing in Heaven with the angels. He went home to be with the Lord tonight at 8:00. We will miss you grandpa. We will miss your stories, your artwork, your ability to find beauty in the smallest of things (like a dried up grapevine!), your love for animals, your whistling and your piano playing. You were one of a kind. Paint a pretty sunset for us while your up there. Love you.

unperfect

When I was in the 2nd grade I cried because I got a 95 on a coloring assignment. When I went to plead my case to the teacher and beg for the additional 5 points, she refused to change my grade because, unlike the other students, I had not outlined my picture with marker. However, I held my ground and pointed out that I, unlike the other students, had taken the time to outline my picture with a darker shade of crayon, which, by the way, is much harder than outlining with marker, thank you very much. My perfectionism was a force to be reckoned with, and I was not going to back down. So my teacher, wise woman that she was, gave in and awarded me the 5 extra points.

I would like to tell you that I have since abandoned my young and stupid ways. That I no longer seek to be perfect and please others. But the truth is, the grip of perfection has only gotten tighter as I've gotten older. So tight that I was beginning to suffocate. And perfectionism's old friend, anxiety, had become a driving force in my life. By the way, did I mention that I feel anxious about the fact that I just started a sentence with "And." That is what I would call unperfect grammar. But I'm going to leave it there (just like I'm leaving the "But" at the beginning of this sentence), because I have decided to take delight in unperfect things.

I mean, who decided on standards of "perfection" anyway? When you really think about it, societal standards of perfection are often arbitrary and unfounded. The other day Christian and I went to a fairly nice restaurant and our waitress had sleeve tattoos. I loved it. I loved the fact that the manager at a nice restaurant would hire her, because, let's be honest, you don't see a lot of tatted up waiters working in classy restaurants. Despite the fact that tattoos are no longer as taboo as they once were, there is still a societal stigma of DANGER! associated with them. Christian and I had a 10 minute conversation with her about the artist who designed her tattoos. She was delightful. And did I mention that she was one of the best waitresses we had ever had? I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. Shame on me and my ridiculous standards.

So I am trying this new thing. I am finding beauty in the unperfect things. My sister told me a few weeks ago, "I have decided to eat breakfast every day, no matter what time I wake up.....whether it's 8:00AM or 8:00PM!" Why shouldn't she? If she likes breakfast, why not? That may seem like a no brainer to you, but in my sick mind, it was a revelation. I thought, 'You can just do that? Eat whatever you want when you want?' I know. Sick. But that's the small box I have been living in. Everything has rules. Everyone has a standard, and if you don't measure up to someone's standard, if you don't please everyone, then your world will fall apart. But guess what? I ate breakfast today at 1:30, and it was fabulous. I had Christian's mom over the other day when our house was a wreck, and she still loves me. I have started displaying my animal greeting cards like art in my house. Weird, yes. But I like it. I am going to learn to play the guitar. I will never be good at it, but I don't care. I'm going to do it because I like doing it. And I am writing this blog entry even though I'm not sure anyone will A) read it or B) like it. I had fun doing it, so why not?

Did I mention that "unperfect" is not a word?

It is now.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." 1 John 4:18
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." 2 Corinthians 3:17

2105 Howell Mountain Drive

I am sick.  I suffer from an illness called overcommitmentitis. I can't seem to just have one thing going on in my life.  Once grad school ended, I didn't know what to do with my spare time, so we decided to build a house! That's right, Christian and I signed our lives over to KB Home Mortgage a few weeks ago and have begun plans for a new casa in Cedar Park. We are very excited!  Although we are sad to leave the Austin city limits, we couldn't beat the price and we LOVE our new neighborhood. Our foundation is set to pour at the end of this week.  Your prayers and suggestions for how to stay sane are welcome!

Our lot

Master Bathtub

Garage Door

Outside of house

Tile/Cabinets

Kitchen countertops, cabinets, and tile

Kitchen light fixture

Guest Bath

I want to be like her when I grow up...

We just got back from a fabulous vacation in Vegas with my sister and her boyfriend....lots of sleeping in, eating, laying out by the pool and seeing shows (and, by the way, if you ever have a chance to see Cirque du Soleil BEATLES, you must! Pure creative genius.) It was just what we needed! By far, the best show we saw was a free one in the Nine Fine Irishmen Pub. The band, Sine Ri-Ra, was amazing, but even more amazing was their groupie who danced the ENTIRE time at the front. I want to be her when I'm old. I won't try to explain...you'll just have to see for yourself...

prayer request

grad school ends in 11 days!!!! i will have my life back!!!! thank you, Lord, for seeing me through these past 2 years. if any of you are still reading this (i know i'm an inconsistent blogger), please pray that christian and i will make it through these next 11 days. it's going to be crazy! 

Babies' Mommas

I love babies. I have always loved babies. In fact, at a very early age I found myself constantly distracted in church by all the cute babies cooing in the auditorium. Even to this day, I will not hear a word of the sermon if a baby is sitting in the pew in front of me (just ask Christian). So you can imagine what a thrill it has been to watch my friends become parents. I have loved watching them go through pregnancy, and become more like Christ as they parent their little ones. There is nothing like getting to love the children of some of the people you love the most. What an honor and blessing it has been to learn from them as they seek to love their children like Jesus loves us. So, I just wanted to thank a few of them for their examples....

1) Amber, thank you for being one of the most Godly and intentional parents that I know. You are raising your boys to know the Lord, and your patience with them always amazes me. I adore Eli and Calvin, and I can't tell you what a blessing it has been to be a part of their lives. If I love them as much as I do now, I can't imagine how I will feel about my own children some day. Thank you for sharing them!

2)Debby, it is so apparent that you are absolutely in love with Joaquin. He is one of the happiest babies I have ever met, and I know that is because you have sacrificed so much to spend every minute you have with him. I deeply respect your choice to stay home with your little one. It is so obvious that he is number one to you! Thank you for sharing your little man with me....I have LOVED getting to cuddle him and love on him....I am living vicariously through you!

3) Lisa W., you always amaze me with your ability to stay calm in the midst of craziness. You juggle a booming business, two kids, and a husband, and you do it beautifully. You have two of the most beautiful children that I have ever seen, and I have loved watching their personalities blossom. I love the fact that you allow each of them to be exactly who they are; I love that you do "girly" things with Asia, even though you are a tomboy at heart!

4) Melissa, I am so thankful for the example you have been to me. Your relationship with Cole is incredible. I know that life has thrown you some curve balls, but you have never once let your difficulties affect your bond with your son. It is so obvious that he knows that he is loved by you; he can be his silly self, he can talk to you, he can play with you, he can learn with you and he can pray with you. You are raising an amazing son who knows the Lord, and I pray that God will bless me with one just like him!

5) Brooke, I love hearing stories about Joel. It is so obvious that you and Paul get a kick out of his silliness. I love that fact that every day at school (back in the day) you would have a story or a home video of Joel to share with me. You and Paul are both amazing servants of the Lord, and it is apparent that you are raising one just like you both! Joel has a great sense of humor and he never meets a stranger....just like both of you! I can't wait to meet new baby Mason! He (or She??) is a lucky little guy!

6) Jenny, I can't begin to tell you how excited I am for you and Chris. You were made to be a mommy, and I am amazed at the Lord's faithfulness. I have loved hearing about your prayers for baby T. and reading your blog as you write about the gift of pregnancy. You are too cute! You and Chris are going to be incredible parents; you passion for the Lord paired with your passion to experience life to its fullest will make the Thompson household an amazing place to grow up.

7) Ashley! I am thrilled for you and David! God's timing is so perfect, and I can't wait to hear all about your new career as a mom. From the moment I met you, I knew that your creativity and love for family would make you an amazing mom.  I have watched you love on Zach's kids, and it is obvious that God has uniquely gifted you to be a parent. Christian and I will be praying for your little red-headed (hopefully!) peanut!