Saturday, January 8, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
So, right after Christian spun me around the room, both of us elated at the sight of the word “pregnant” on the little stick, I had this sinking realization that you can’t take this decision back. Ever. For the next 80 years I will be a mommy. WHAT?!? Yes, it is amazing and wonderful and thrilling beyond belief. But it is down right terrifying too. Christian and I, starting on July 11th, will be the sole ones responsible for screwing this child up. For a perfectionist, the idea of messing up a HUMAN BEING is just about the worst thing ever. Way worse than getting a B on a grad school paper or gaining 10 pounds (which, by they way, I get to do….like 4 times over throughout the next few months). How in the world can we prepare for this? After trying to read 5 different books on pregnancy simultaneously, then giving up (because there was no flippin’ way I could process all the contradicting information), I decided to just let it go. There is no way I am going to be a perfect mom. My child will not be perfect, but then again, neither are his parents. And isn’t that what makes this life so interesting? The fact that we all have sob stories and baggage and funny childhood memories about family fights? I love the fact that God has kept me humble through my imperfection, and that I know what it means to suffer because of my mistakes. In the end, if I make a million mistakes (which I will), and my little one ends up loving Jesus in spite of that, or maybe because of that, then nothing else really matters. We’re imperfect. Jesus is perfect. What more is there?