Friday, October 21, 2011

Things they don't tell you about being a new mom...

Childbirth truly is the worst pain you will ever feel. It's not something you can prepare for, and you lose all of your dignity in the process.

Childbirth is the most rewarding and incredible experience you will ever have. It is a miracle...there is no other word for it.

When I was in the hospital, every day felt like Christmas morning. I had this precious gift, London, waiting for me. The nurses took care of everything and I could just relax and enjoy my present....

Then they sent me home. You have to take a test to drive a car and become a US citizen, but they just let any idiot walk out of a hospital with a baby. I remember thinking, "I can't even figure out how to buckle her into the car seat. How am I going to raise her without all the nurses??"

The first month sucks. I wish there was more eloquent way to put it, but there's just not. You don't sleep, you don't have time to eat, you still look pregnant, you cry a lot and you have no idea what you are doing. I have heard women talk about bringing their babies home and staring into their eyes all day, contemplating how much they love them. They are liars. No one has time to stare or contemplate. You simply survive the war zone.

By about 3 months you might have time to contemplate your great love for your baby. I love holding London while she naps. I wish I could say that I always use that time to read, pray and think deep thoughts. But sometimes all I have the energy to do is watch Netflix. However, more often than not, I find myself gazing at London, taking in her features and thanking God for the miracle that is my baby girl.

Babies are a full time job. I consider my day successful when I am able to change out of my pajamas before Christian gets home.

London is a what Dr. Sears calls a "high-needs" baby. She doesn't like to be put down. She will out cry us every time. For the first two months, I would literally hold her all day long (thank the Lord for my Moby Wrap). Once, after a particularly hard day, I told my mom that I felt like a loser because I hadn't "done anything." Her reply was one I will never forget. She said, "I dont know why people think rocking a baby means you're not doing anything. Holding and rocking London is the most important thing you can do right now. She will only be a baby for the blink of an eye and then she will never be this small again. Hold her and rock her as much as you can, because someday you will wish you had just one day again to hold your baby."

Being a new mom is the hardest, craziest, most stressful, most emotional thing I have ever done...and there is nothing that I'd rather do.